The Noise
by SilentSable
Summary: A strange noise is keeping the Akatsuki awake at night, finally Kakuzu has had enough and decides to investigate, but things start to go downhill from there. Humour and a tiny speck of yaoi.


Disclaimer: I do not own.

Kakuzu opened his eyes, the luminous green glowing eerily in the midnight darkness, he knew not what made the noise, but what he did know was that it was going to end tonight.

The stitched ninja had been forced to listen to the ceaseless noise for the past four nights, and it was playing havoc with his sleep patterns.

Grunting as he impatiently disengaged his body from the arms of his partner, unintentionally waking the priest.

Magenta eyes, half fogged with sleep, glanced up in confusion, "fu' Kuzu?" his words slurred with exhaustion.

Kakuzu shook his head almost gently, "Go back to sleep Hidan."

With that the stitched nin left the room, closing the door quietly behind him, but his caution was in vain, for a few seconds after closing the door, there came a thump from the room he had just vacated, followed almost immediately by the immortals foul mouthed cursing, before the door was violently flung open and Hidan stumbled out into the dark hallway.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, you cock sucking, ass fucking rag doll!" Kakuzu, who was used to his partners language, just made a shushing motion with his hand, which seemed to enrage the Jashinist further.

Hidan made to attack Kakuzu, but the miser just dodged to the side letting the priest hit the wall with a muted thud, Hidan turned around and scowled at his partner, "What the hell, what are you doing, going around waking people up like that, fuck man, seriously?!"

Kakuzu gave a grunt of dismissal before moving off in the direction the noise had last been emanating, though this form of dismissal seemed to anger the jashinist yet again, so much so that he abandoned his bed and followed after his five hearted partner, muttering loudly under his breath, which in turn seemed to wake other occupants of the base, namely Itachi and Kisame.

Itachi was fully dressed as he opened the door of their shared room and approached the zombie duo, though poor Kisame was in nothing but his Finding Nemo boxers, although he hadn't noticed that fact yet.

Hidan giggled loudly, his hands covering his mouth in an attempt to stifle the blasphemous noise, while Kakuzu just shook his head in apology.

Kisame let out a yawn which would have scared even the most determined Girl Scout but failed to faze the white haired man in front of him.

Itachi tilted his head, the question obvious in his black eyes which Kakuzu, being the smart ninja he is, quickly interpreted and answered, "Yes, that's what just woke me up, no Hidan hasn't heard it yet, and no I will not give you my money."

Itachi looked rather confused at the last part, but he soon dismissed it as one of Kakuzu's many quirks.

Kisame looked as though he couldn't care less about the puzzling noise that seemed to be destroying the Akatsuki more effectively than any Konoha Nin could ever do, all the shark man seemed to want was to go back to bed.

Meanwhile, just a little further down the hall through a door painted a blinding shade of orange, hid a man, well more likely a boy in a man's body, his face covered by what appeared to be an orange swirled mask.

Poor Tobi had been hearing noises and his Dora The Explorer night light wasn't working anymore, leaving the scared idiot alone in the dark, well Zetsu was there but his trap was closed.

Effectively cutting him off from everything going on around him, thus leaving poor Tobi to suffer without his companion to comfort him. Whining Tobi once again tried to draw Zetsu from his shell, but the plant man was having none of it.

Everyone who had gathered started violently when a spine quaking wail echoed around the hideout. Somewhere down the hall a door banged open and a black and orange blur raced towards the group of missing nin still emitting the wailing noise as water gushed from a hole in its face.

Hidan screamed like a little girl and hid behind Kakuzu who stood stock still, his five hearts had simultaneously stopped beating out of fright, not that the old bastard would ever admit it.

Kisame stepped in front of Itachi brandishing a lamp he had grabbed when the wailing had started. Itachi sighed and stepped out from behind his blue skinned partner and shone his flashlight directly onto the monster, which turned out to be a shaking and sniveling Tobi clutching a worn teddy to his chest as tears flooded out of the hole in his mask.

Kakuzu shook his head as he regained his ability to breathe and pushed Hidan away from him so the priest was no longer invading his personal space.

Tobi continued to blubber and sob inconsolably into Itachi's Akatsuki cloak, it was a wonder the man hadn't drowned from all the water making its way out of his mask.

Kisame cleared his throat and pretended as though he hadn't just thought the idiot Tobi was some sort of soul sucking demon.

Hidan still had one hand fisted in Kakuzu's cloak almost like he was scared the masked Nin would disappear if he didn't hold onto him like a lifeline.

Itachi pushed Tobi away and headed up the corridor looking into every door they passed until they reached Sasori and Deidara's shared room, neither the blonde nor his red headed partner had joined in their little midnight expedition party which either meant they had been either devoured by whatever made the noise or they were just really heavy sleepers, although that excuse didn't explain Sasori since he was made of wood which was not the best thing for a hungry monster to eat and of course Sasori never slept due to being a puppet.

Itachi knocked lightly on the wood of the slightly charred door yet there was no answer so the door was pushed open by the cautious Uchiha.

The artists double bed was messed up slightly which indicated it had been slept in recently yet there was no sign of either of the artists.

Hidan cursed and ran forward throwing the blankets off the bed and looking under it as well in his search for his best friend.

They all froze when the noise was heard again this time though it sounded closer, Hidan slowly backed away from his position by the bed and back into the safety of the group where he had to beat the scared Tobi away from hugging him using one of the fake arms Sasori left lying around the room.

Hidan was paled as he felt something touch his back, turning around so quickly the others feared he would get whiplash.

The priest's fuschia eyes were darting around the darkened room never resting for longer than a second, "Fucking ghosts! Fuck off you pieces of see-through shit!" Everyone watched Hidan with amusement for a moment before they turned serious again.

Itachi gestured for everyone to come closer, "It seems Deidara and Sasori have fallen victim to this monster, we have no choice left but to wake Leader-sama"

Everyone shuddered at the thought of knocking on the intimidating black door that lead to Pein and Konan's room, mostly due to the fact that Konan would rip their heads off while Pein hid from her wrath.

Kisame stared at Itachi, his eyes wide "Uhm Itachi, Konan will kill us!" Everyone nodded fervently in agreement. Itachi glared around the circle, "Well then why don't you come up with a better idea then?"

"Oooh! Oooh! Tobi knows! Tobi knows!" This time everyone sighed, Hidan pushed Tobi out into the hallway and closed the door in the masked man's face before yelling through the thin piece of wood, "Idiot! Eating a lollipop does not solve everything!"

Kakuzu glared at Hidan before opening the door and letting Tobi back in, "Let's at least hear him out Hidan, his idea can't be worse than Itachi's."

Tobi put his hand up to where his chin would be if it weren't covered by his mask and stroked an invisible beard, "Tobi thinks we should wake Zetsu-senpai!"

Around the huddled group eyes widened, "Holy shit!" Hidan nearly ran screaming out of the room if it weren't for Kakuzu grabbing his rosary, "Lemme go Kakuzu you asshole! It's the end of the mother fucking world! That idiot Tobi finally said something smart! I have to go and pray to Jashin to spare us!"

Kakuzu thought for a second and released the religious fanatic who fell to his knees and began scrambling to get out the door and back to his room but before he'd even made it two feet out the doorway there was a maniacal cackling and a burst of smoke before everything was turned white and cloudy.

Hidan cried out loudly and then there was a muffled thud as something heavy hit the ground. Kakuzu rushed from the group into the whiteness looking for his partner.

It occurred to none of them to use a simple wind jutsu to clear the air.

Kakuzu stumbled back to the group, his tan skin ashen. "I couldn't find him!" Tobi let out a whimper while Kisame paced in circles.

Shinnnnnk Shinnnnnnk

The noise was back! Itachi tilted his head, brows furrowed but before he could speak there was one last long drawn out 'shinnnnnnnnnnnnk' and then the sound of something rolling across the floor.

Out of the smoke came Hidan's head but his body was nowhere to be found and his eyes were closed. Kakuzu knelt and scooped up what was left of his partner "Shit! I guess his mouth as too foul for even a monster to eat."

Then came footsteps and more cackling but now the cackling sounded more like chittering, almost like the sound Sasori's puppets made. Yet before any of them could put the pieces together a puppet stepped out of the fog and somewhere above them came a yell of: "Art is a blast!" before the puppet exploded.

The next morning came and Pein was staring blankly at the charred members of his organization, everyone except Sasori, Deidara and Zetsu were covered in ash and soot and scowling in the artists direction.

Sasori turned to Deidara, "Brat art is eternal" before Deidara could stick his tongue out in defiance the blackened Akatsuki members shot out of their seats and attacked the artists.

Whew the end, finally lol! No artists were harmed in the making of this fic! Ok maybe that was a lie XD anyway here's the disclaimer: I do not own!


End file.
